You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
