I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
