i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
