that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
