been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
