He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
