I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
