So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
last night I used snow as a chaser
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
