So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
