if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize