turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
