its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
