i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
