Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
