There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
