Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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