i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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