there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
