And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
