we have officially lost it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
