i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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