i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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