R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
