I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
