you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There's even glitter on my cock...
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