Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize