We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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