Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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