8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
