also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
