I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
