Your face is a jimmy john
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
please come you make the beer taste better
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
