you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
