how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
