Can Purell be used as lube?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
