when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
