it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
