my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
only you would photoshop your dick
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
