I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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