Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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