Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
