Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
