So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
And then my night got REAL pukey
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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