hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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