i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
