He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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