You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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