she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I wear drunk well.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
