Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
