I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
