Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
