I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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