it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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