What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
