I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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