Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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