Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
