My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
