Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
