Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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