Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
