I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
