so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
