Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
