my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
