My underwear smells like fireworks.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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