i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
