i just google imaged poop.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
