i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
