If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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