90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
