He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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