Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I understand Curling. That high.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I love you.
Bad choice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
