i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
