Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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