you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
